cause I don't need to satisify tonight.

I have this wierd feeling going on inside.

I leave for NYC in one week, and no one knows how much I need it. I need to get away from my boring practically non-existant life I've been leading here. Sure I go out, but not like I used to. I need a good kick in the ass or something, and someone to get drunk with and make out with and lose myself with while I'm "far away from home". Last time it happened in Boston...

Eric sent me an email a while ago talking about how he was moving on the 15th? I told him we'd have to have drinks or lunch or something when I get out there... I love that boy. He's the sweetest. Of course if it wasn't for Ray I would never have met him. I need to contact Ray and Ashley too, just to see what's going on with them, and to find out if they will have a free moment to meet up sometime while I'm out there. Last October I only got to see Ray for just a little bit at the Interpol show and at the after party and that was it. At least I got to meet his beautiful and oh-so-nice wife Cybil. She's a peach. It was wierd though because just 9 months prior I spent 5 whole days with him. 24 hours a day. He's a peach too. Just more of a rancid peach but he definitely has a heart of gold. Oh I miss my NYC friends and BEN! How could I NOT see Ben. He was my cute, ultra-hip room mate before just up and moving to brooklyn with no money and no job and no clothes! hahaha. <3 love, love, love that boy! Before he was my room mate I thought he was so hot and oooh and then I got to know him and well yeah he just became this awesome guy who was my friend and that was the best thing ever. I have a knack for being friends with all the hot boys.

Back to right now. San Francisco. Monday night. I have an interview tomorrow. I can't wait. I know the job is mine. Over the last five years I've really developed this skill at faking confidance and sounding like a professional when usually I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and totally winging it. But everything seems to fall into place somehow. So I hope tomorrow is the day that everything falls into place for me. The only downside about getting this job will mean I'll be working two jobs for a while. A full time 40 hours a week job and a part time 25 hours a week job. I'm going to be so exhausted. Oh well. We all have to suffer a little sometimes right? I want an awesome FLAT/Apartment come October so I'm going to save, save, save all the money I can until then. I also need to get a car and thus that requires some sort of saving of the monitary units also. I know I don't really NEED a car, and that I just want one, but unless you've had one before you can't really say anything. I've had a car since I was 16! I'm 26 and have been with out one for 2.5 years and am missing the freedom and luxury that comes along with owning one. Never mind the endless parking tickets I'll have to pay or the cost of parking in the city or the price of Gas. The gas station across from my flat now says $2.79 a gallon!!! I still need/want one. I won't have to lug groceries home from the store on public transportation or by foot anymore. Won't have to worry if the muni/bart is still running in the middle of the night while out at show/club/bar. That really is the crappiest part. Not being able to do things because you can't get home or get stranded and have to rely on other people to get you where you need to go.

I'm so angry at Mike. Mike is the sweetest, nicest, cutest boy ever. Tall, dark sexy hair and eyes and completely gorgeous, beautiful hair. Perfect. But he's really pissing me off for reasons I can't even begin to express.

Hunter makes me mad too, but not in the same way Mike does. Hunter is the sweetest guy I've ever known. He's from the south. Maybe that's why? Kansas City. He's so honest and genuine it's hard to really be mad at him, but I still am. I'm mad that it turned out the way it did. He promised me motorcycle rides and better make good on them soon!

I just wonder sometimes what my fucking problem is?