"First you look so strong
Then you fade away
The sun will blind my eyes
I love you anyway
Thirsty for your smile
I watch you for a while
You are a vapour trail
In a deep blue sky

Tremble with a sigh
Glitter in your eye
You seem to come and go
I never seem to know
And all my time
Is yours as much as mine
We never have enough
Time to show our love"

The song reminds me of my freshman and sophmore year in high school. 1992. I was so in love. No not REALLY in love. I've never been REALLY in LOVE. But I was so in love with an idea of how everything should be or should have been. Looking back it never really happens the way you think it should.

I thought I'd have everything I wanted by now. I thought I'd finally figure out what the hell I want to do with my life, but I don't. I thought I would feel great, but lately I think I've reached a life-time low point for feeling increadibly self-conscience, and over the stupidest things. Take for instance my height. I can't help how tall I am. And yet, I still get upset when I'm walking down the road and I'm towering over all the stupid short people that live in this stupid city. I'm taller than 75% or MORE of the population of San Francisco. Maybe it's just that this town is too small for me? I'm only 5'10" not a fucking giraffe or anything, but I can't help but feel as if I'm too tall. All of my friends both male and female are shorter than me with the exception of like a handfull who are the same height as me. I love my short friends, but at the same time I envy them so much for being little, cute, petite, and well.. being tall doesn't excude any of it. I'm just here to get the cups down off the top shelf for my 2 shorty room mates. My purpose in life = to reach the top shelf. ONLY IF IT'S THE TOP SHELF LIQUORS!!!

So I have to ask why am I being so stupid over something I have and had no control over. Why can't I just forget about it and stop being so fucking hung up on it.

I'm tall, I have a great fucking ass, and my legs look like sex in stilletos.

Besides amputation there is no way I'm going to shrink so I better just get over it.