This is ME we're talking about... ME!

I thought something could go smooth and easy but really who the fuck am I trying to fool? Yes, we're talking about me. Nothing can be simple, nothing can ever go right, nor run smooth, or function properly, nor happen to work on the first try.

So I went down to buy my little car. Got there easy enough. And this guys place was out in the hills of excelsior. Crazy up there, you can actually see the stars! Oh I'm not talking about a few of the brightest, no. But REAL stars. I even saw the little dipper. But I'm getting off the subject entirely. So we being the Bunny and I get there fine, find the car that is to be mine parked in front of the address and I call Mateo (the guy selling the car) up. He comes out we talk for a bit. Then I get to drive it around. It's nice, cute. Handles better than most of the previous cars I've ever owned. He asks me if I'd like to see under the hood to which I can only honestly reply. No. I mean I wouldn't know what I was looking at anyhow, truth be told. And then we go inside to exchange moneys and sign papers but my dumb ass only has checks, because you know... I just don't think anymore. This is a private sale, how am I going to expect someone to except a check for such a large amount... really? I probably wouldn't do it. But as I said, I wasn't thinking. I was just excited. So today I make trip #2 out to the fucking boondocks and I won't be taking the bus or bart back home.

Why do I seem to have the body of a geriatric person. My back is in the rare form today of actually KILLING ME all. the. time. Before it just sort of hurt with different motions, but now it's just debilitating. Paralyzing at times. If I cough or sneeze or move my body in certain ways I almost fall. my legs sort of buckle. which makes me think it's nerve damage of some sort which would really, really be bad. But then again maybe the muscle is just so damaged that it isn't strong enough to support my body when making these "movements"?

Oh and it gets worse. My fucking jaw. If you've known me for any amount of time you've heard of this happening once or twice I'm sure. Or at least heard of me speak of such horrors. Yes, my jaw likes to dislocate on me. It's quite painful. The first three times I had to go to the Hospital. Well You're always supposed to go to the hospital but it is extremely expensive if you don't have insurance and I fall into that catagory for the next month, but I'll get back to this later. When it first happened and even the second and third times I would try to put it back in myself because of the excrutiating pain, but it never worked. The "hinge" type socket back there is a wierd one. Even the doctors didn't know how to reset it and almost ripped my jaw clear off my face and then he finally gave up and called in an ENT Dr. (ears, nose & throat doctor). Thankfully HE DID know what to do and reset it with quickness and ease. I fell in love with him. Partly because he relieved me from the horrors of this ordeal and partly because I was on LOTS of drugs! I had a big shot of Demoral, but even that didn't relieve the three hours of sitting there in pain with a dude ripping at my jaw. It was embarassing too because they called in all the doctors not working on an emergency to gaze at the FREAK that was me! After the ordeal was over they had a psychiatrist come in and talk to me... WIERD! When it happened the second time the same nurse that assisted the first time gasped in horror as she remembered me and the huge ordeal that it was. This time I got not only a shot of Demoral but a valium IV drip. Talk about NICE! Too bad none of that stuff actually releived any of the pain and discomfort I was in. I got a new doctor who took forever, but at least she was taking a long time seeing me because she was looking up how to fix my problem, and when she came in she did it fast and almost pain free. I was in love with her. Again the drugs... Plus she gave me a prescription for valium even though it had nothing to do with my jaw and couldn't fix the problem. She was so nice! The third time it happened while at work at my old job. I got driven to the emergency room and left alone. Because the jaw is dislocated you can imagine how hard it was to talk. I sounded like some def retard and the nurse kept talking louder and louder to me until I wrote down. "I'M NOT DEF!!! I CAN HEAR FINE, MY JAW IS STUCK OPEN.. DISLOCATED!" she got all pissy but whatever. I didn't need someone yelling at me when I was in pain. So I go in. New hospital. New city. And I'm trying to write down and explain to this new doctor about my jaw and how to fix it but he sucks. He says he's going to knock me out because he can't stand my screams and crying. so I get an IV and am under in about 10 minutes. I woke up just as my jaw was sliding back into place. My face felt violated and sore, bruised up. He had been trying to force it in for over an hour. They paid for a cab ride home where I promptly fell asleep.

Now it's happened to me 3 more times since that last hospital visit. But they just like to hurt me in the hospital so I looked up everything I could on TMJ (which is what it is) and found how to reset the jaw. Granted you aren't supposed to do it yourself. But those doctors don't know shit! Plus it's a long costly, painful ordeal. I learned how to do it myself, and last night it happened again and It hurt so bad. I forgot to bookmark the website or print it out so I was crying and trying to remember how I did it and trying to google for it. And finally I found it, reset it and then cried myself to sleep. It still hurts even today. I often wonder to myself how can one girl be THIS lucky? How could all of these great things happen to me?