just killing time.

I slept in this morning just the tiniest bit. It felt good. I got up washed my face and brushed my teeth and then spent a good ten minutes just admiring myself in the mirror. My waste is getting so tiny. Even as I slid my pants on I realized that maybe I should have bought the size 6 instead of the 8's. Of course when I tried them on the 8's fit perfectly. But now, they are a little loose. Not so big that they look frumpy or sloppy. The 6's would have been way to short on my long legs though. 8 is a good size, especially for my height.

I look way too professional today. Black slacks, white button up shirt, cropped black trench coat. LOAFERS - ew I know, very gross. However the last three days I've been trying to dress up a t-shirt. For instance the other day I was wearing a lavender colored t-shirt with a black skirt, and a black cardigan. But ya know, it is still just a t-shirt and I know I am going to get talked to about it if I didn't pull something with buttons on it out of the closet soon.

All I really want to do today is stay at home running around in my undies and a t-shirt alternating between excercizing and watching tv. I have a head full of fantasies...

I keep thinking that maybe I don't want to move from the flat I'm living in now, I mean until I really move. I'm in not financially ready to pack up and take off somewhere with out a job or anything, and my lease is up in 2 months at the place I'm at now. Oh sure it would be nice to have closets and a window, but it's been my home for the last two years. It's close and conveniently located to everything. But... I'm not sure what the other girls want to do.

I had a cookie for breakfast this morning, but I'm really craving sushi. Some spicey salmon rolls and maybe some sashimi. The last time I ordered any sashimi though it was way too big! I nearly gagged there was so much in my mouth I could barely chew. Next time I'll bring a little knife with me and chop it into bite sized pieces. It's so wierd. It tastes good, but if I have to sit and chew on it for a long time I start getting grossed out that it's just raw meat all up in my mouth. That's a big reason why the bites have to be small for me if it's sashimi, because if I have time to think about what I'm eating I'll make myself sick, even though I like it. I'm so odd at times. Mmmm, but I love me some Unagi. Okay I'm making myself so hungry right now I'm turning into Pavlov's dog.

I've been trying to drink more water, get more sleep, eat better, take a fucking multi-vitamin daily but I just can't seem to do it. I'm on the junk food diet from hell. I took ONE vitamin a few days ago. I get maybe 5 hours of sleep a night, I smoke, I drink, I do drugs, I drink rockstars to keep me going and maybe a few glasses of water a day, if I'm lucky. I want to be a healthier person, I really do however, I just completely lack the will power.

I'm supposed to go out and see an old friend of mine play some show tonight. I haven't seen Mark in like 4 years? It's going to be wierd. We all kind of parted ways on unsettling terms thanks to a few people that were in my circle of friends way back when. I'm glad I got out before they had the chance to drag me down into the spiraling abyss of backstabbing and hatred that had ensued. Jessica and I were the only ones to escape unscathed, well nearly anyhow.

Things are bothering me a lot lately. Stupid little things like when someone who's super fat thinks they can squish in on that one open spot on the bus/train cars and part of their fat leg or ass totally crushes and pinches you between them and the seat and you are now half way entwined in their being? My new slogan is "IF YOU CAN'T FIT, DON'T SIT!" Today this large man squished in to the seat next to mine and I started getting sucked into his rolls. I could care less how fat you are. Honestly it doesn't bother me until I'm being absorbed by it. When I see spots that are too tiny for me I stand. I don't try to squish my ass in. Anyhow someone finally got off a few stops down the line and "big-boy" was able to move over I felt relieved until a woman with MASSIVE hips came and plopped down squishing my leg! It kind of hurt. I don't even take up my own little seat and here she is taking up hers and mine. I just wouldn't do that to someone. She was practically sitting in my lap! It bothers me. I must sound like the bitchiest of bitches but really.