introspective

Lately I’ve been feeling a disconnection or rather a distancing from some very important people in my life and it’s a little disheartening. I feel the pull a silent strain and I don’t know what to do so I just back off creating a bigger gap…

But quite opposite of that I’ve felt this amazing connection and strengthening of other friendships that makes me so happy. I really want to stay connected to all of the people that I’ve met with and had the pleasure of spending time with and getting to know. I have been over the last few years sort of aloof. Finding best friends for a day a week a month or so and then not holding my end up. Letting a perfectly good friendship fall apart and drift away. I don’t want to be one of those old ladies with no friends, oh no! So if you find little messages from me here and there more frequently or if I extend to you an invitation or request your presence somewhere just know that I’m trying to reach out and do my share to keep my friendships in good standing and to create bonds with the people I think are worth knowing and/or getting to know better.

I’ve also been making more choices based on what I want to do and instead of waiting for things to happen for/to me. I have been a homebody for the last few months do to a very bad haircut and lack there of funds but that is no more. I have a cute new hair cut and am not broke and am going to make the most of this beautiful and lively city I call home. On any given night there are a handful of things that I know I would enjoy doing, seeing, or being apart of. We have the Theatre, Ballets, Operas, Symphony, Movies, Bars, Fine Dining, Clubs and lots of dancing, dancing, dancing (my favorite!), there is Golden Gate Park and all the other parks, there are movies in the parks, there are streets to walk down and admire the views, and there is definitely shopping to be done! Besides getting myself out and about I always want to start actually doing something creative with the spare time that I do want to spend at home inside. I want to start designing and making my own clothes as well as painting again. I want to have an outlet for aggression and hatred and all my bad days. I want to accomplish something for myself that I can share with others. I also want to start working on my writing. I always wanted to be an author and even if I never ever get published I wouldn’t mind writing a novel for my own enjoyment. I also might start taking some online courses here and there to finish up the last 5 classes I need to have enough credits to transfer schools… which I’ve been thinking about doing for the last five years. I know it would not only make me proud but my mom and dad ecstatic!

I guess sometimes you have to let yourself sink under the surface for a little while to put things into a perspective where you can look up and see right where you want to be.