huh, what?

La Beauté


Je suis belle, ô mortels! comme un rêve de pierre,
Et mon sein, où chacun s'est meurtri tour à tour,
Est fait pour inspirer au poète un amour
Eternel et muet ainsi que la matière.


Je trône dans l'azur comme un sphinx incompris;
J'unis un coeur de neige à la blancheur des cygnes;
Je hais le mouvement qui déplace les lignes,
Et jamais je ne pleure et jamais je ne ris.


Les poètes, devant mes grandes attitudes,
Que j'ai l'air d'emprunter aux plus fiers monuments,
Consumeront leurs jours en d'austères études;


Car j'ai, pour fasciner ces dociles amants,
De purs miroirs qui font toutes choses plus belles:
Mes yeux, mes larges yeux aux clartés éternelles!


— Charles Baudelaire

This grainy picture was taken of me in 2001. I haven't changed that much.

The lower part of the arch on my left foot is hurting me. Dull pain.

Sometimes I think I have fibromyalgia. But I don't want to sound like or be a hypochondriac. Just in reading about it I find several similarities between what they are discribing and what I experience. Especially in the joint pain and sleeping disorder and anxiety. DAMN though if my left foot and left side of my lower back isn't killing me right now. Yesterday it was my left elbow and my left shoulder has been bothering me for a few weeks. Hmm... kind of odd that it's been my left side more lately than my right. But I've definitly had issues with pain all over. It's not like a dibilitating pain, just a dull ache that is uncomfortable at most, although again my foot right now is not feeling too good.

On a completely different note...

Last week I was bored at work and did some hunting about and found an old coworker/friend of mine from seven or eight years ago. His name is Jon and I thought he was so hot! I was nineteen or twenty but not any older than that and we made out a few times. I think I was just nineteen because I was still a virgin. Yes I was a virgin until I was twenty years old. I wasn't saving myself for anyone special, I just hadn't found anyone I wanted to see naked yet. Some people laugh when they find out that I lost it to a one night stand with my friend Kevin. But I stayed friends with Kevin for years to come so I always thought of it as a good experience. Unlike most of my girlfriends, I had no hangups about it because he wasn't my boyfriend. He didn't break my heart. We just had sex, no strings attached. Which I think is partially responsible for the way I am in relationships. I'm very un-girlie about it all. Oh sure I have my moments but as my old roommate Paul used to describe me, genetically I'm female, but I have a very male brain. Oh but how I've gotten completely off the subject at hand. So as I was saying Jon and I used to make out and I thought he was so very handsome. But we worked together and it was forbidden so what little of a relationship we had dissolved. There were no hard feelings, no broken hearts. And then he switched work locations and started working with my friend Amanda who had switched work locations months earlier. I still saw him but we weren't close like before and then I got a new job. End of story. I never saw him again. So I sent him an email and all last week we wrote back and forth to each other. Then yesterday we had like a two hour phone conversation. He's so funny, not in the haha way but just in the sense that he still sounds the same and I don't just mean in the physical sense. He still thinks and articulates in the same manner. I think it's cute. We have a "date" I guess you could call it next Saturday. It's not so much a date in the romantic sense but he is cooking me dinner and we are going to hang out so I still am going to refer it to it as a date. You never know, I very well could just maybe get laid. It would be nice, since it's been over a year since the last time that happened. Not that I'm a slut by any means. If I were a slut it wouldn't be a year since I've last gotten any. I have no idea where I'm going with this. Just babbling on about nothing in particular.

UGH! my coworker Josh just walked into the office from the bathroom and following him was the most rancid smell ever! Seriously, I threw up a little in my mouth. There is air freshener in there guy, use it! Oh man, so foul!

Last night I played hair colorist and did my roommate Leslie's hair. I gave her black bangs with some black strips of colour near the front but they were tiny and a mix of purple, violet and hot pink all over the rest of her head. She got the idea yesterday afternoon. I met her at her work (because she forgot a report that she needed to fax over to the main office) and we went out for lunch. Sitting behind me was a lady with hot pink and purple hair. Leslie makes decisions really fast and thus within a few hours last night I had bleached and died her hair multiple times in multiple colours. I think it's pretty. I could never pull off a look as unnatural as that (besides my boss would fire me) but Lelsie can and she wears it well. I'm excited to see it today all done and dried and styled.

The pain in my foot.. yeah it's gone now. Did I tell you I'm twenty pounds overweight? Well I'm not overweight for my height/age/gender but I am twenty pounds overweight from what I was before. From what I want to be, and what I'm comfortable with. Here are some medical statistics regarding me and my weight.

I'm 27, and I currently weigh 167lbs (I know rediculously high!) I am 70" inches or 5' 10" tall.

apparently the average for people of my height and age think that 149lbs is the "ideal weight". I agree. My normal weight (which I've been since High School until recently) was 150lbs.

Medical recommendations for women of my height and age is 132 - 174 lbs (so the ideal weight is perfect!)

My current BMI (body mass index) is 24 the healthy BMI for me is between 19-25 so I'm sort of pushing it.

Plus I found out for my race and gender that I 95% of similar population is shorter than me.

I know all this is so riveting!

Figure out your own here.