Dia de los Muertos

Happy Halloween bitches!

Remember your dead and stuff.


So the last couple of days I've been feeling less than stellar. I don't know if I'm depressed or if it's something less serious sounding. I might be just going through a few day slump. I've been thinking a lot and that always leads to no good feelings on my part. Everytime I have a significant amount of time to myself to just think about stuff I tend to get this way. I'm extremely hard on myself and when I start thinking I tend to start thinking about all the stuff I don't have and haven't achieved yet and all the things I want but can't have at this particular moment in time for whatever reason and it totally bums me out.

At the same time however, I want to spend some time alone. I want to be able to just be by myself to figure things out and just be miserable for a while. Sounds odd right? It feels odd, but I think it's something I need to do. When I was in high school and in college I sat in my room alone for many nights. I learned so much about myself and figured things out that way without pursuasion from anyone else but now that I'm an adult living with roommates that just happen to be my best friends I am always torn between hanging out with them and having fun whether it's us going out or staying in and watching TV making fun of the dog or retreating to my room to be alone and think about stuff or whatever. Of course the latter can send mixed messages to my friends/roommates that I'm sick of them or whatever which is quite the contrary. Sometimes I just want my own space, not so much "me-time" as I just want to be in my room. Company is always welcome. But being in your own room sometimes feels like you're in a safe place. It's the HOMIEST part of HOME there is for me. I'm working on making my room into the sanctuary I really want it to be. I need to buy one more bookshelf and then that will be all in the way of furniture.

I'm also going to buy myself an SNES game system off of ebay. Yes a Super Nintendo Entertainment System. We already have two NES game systems in our house but no SNES and some of my favorite games were on SNES. Sometimes I miss sitting in front of the TV for hours killing my thumbs on those controllers. I would stay up all night trying to beat all the games that we had. It was impossible for me to ever WIN anything before my little brother. He was some sort of game wizzard. As soon as we'd get a new game he'd beat it within a day or two. I hated how he could do that. Something in his brain was wired differently than mine.

Anyhow, I'm super busy at work and have been writing this over the last 45 minutes between print jobs. I should get back to work. I've got a ton of shit to do today...

Tonight I'm going to be a dead flight attendant from the past. I have the cutest flight attendant uniform from the 60's that along with make up and fake blood will be perfect. "Please put your seats in the upright position and kiss your ass goodbye!"