Close my eyes and swallow.. chemical, chemical

That was me about 10 minutes before I completely lost it. I took some pictures I felt tingly my breath became rapid and too frequent. I tried to calm myself down, but I kept freaking out inside. I stayed as cool as icecubes on the outside. NO one knew just what was going on. I made a very big mistake.

I haven't done real drugs, besides getting stoned in years. I hadn't done it in at least four years. I don't know why I wanted to so badly that night. I guess I really just wanted to relax and let go and have fun and not feel inhibited, but instead I just got sick. My eyes were so dialated they looked almost completely black. I just wanted you to come and touch me, make out with me, dance with me. But I didn't want to do anything I wasn't supposed to do. I just couldn't. I didn't want anyone to know I was chemically altering my sensations. I didn't tell anyone why I felt so sick, I didn't even insist that we leave, but that we stay and that I would sit for a while until the wave of sickness left me, which it did, and always does. But my friends being my friends thinking I was sick wouldn't have any of it and dragged me home. I couldn't even feel my feet as I was walking away. I actually felt really fucking good. I wanted to turn around and stay but I had this flutter going on inside and knew that if I didn't find you and get what I wanted I would have been miserable regardless. So I let them take me home.