KICK IN THE EYE!

Oh I'm such an asshole. But a pretty asshole.

Damn that sounds conceited. But lately I've been looking especially pretty. In the face that is. My ass is getting so fat! I can't wait until I get my 401(k) check so I can go and give away a big chunk of money to a place that I can go and sweat and be gross at just so I can have the tiny little body that I miss so much back. Not saying I'm huge. But my size 8's are feeling just a little too snug for me. I'd like to get down to a size 6 but I'd have to get all anorexic and that doesn't sound to appealling since I LOVE food and would never ever deprive myself of something that looked, smelled and tasted so damn good. I have a thin frame, but I just don't think a size 6 would look very healthy on my 5' 10" body.

Lately I've been overly critical of my body. Every tiny scar, mark and imperfection is standing out and shining bright red in my eyes and I can't stop obsessing about making everything look perfect. It takes me over an hour just to get ready for bed. Creams, lotions, gels, moisturizers, ointments, oils etc. I never was too much of a girlie-girl but now... I've just gone crazy. And I even do my hair in the morning. OH MY GOD. I never go to work with wet hair anymore. I also don't have ugly curly hair either! It's smooth and straight thanks to the most wonderful invention of my super expensive, but oh so worth it super powered extremely high heat flat iron. <3 <3 <3 I LURVE IT!

But that is not what makes me an asshole.

What makes me an asshole is that I'm a horrible person. Yesterday I found out a person with "special needs" will be working at Job #2 with me in the basement. I know the look on my face scared my co-worker. I'm sure the rant I spilled all over him frightened him to death. He probably thinks I'm a monster but hey.. at least I was being honest. I can't deal with it. I can't be someone's babysitter, I can't hold someone's hand, I don't have the patients and I'm just not that nice. I layed it out as such. Only adding in a few hateful remarks about children for good measure.

I don't hate kids though. I love my neice. I like good kids. It's just those annoying brats or the kids that don't have any manners because their parents don't know how to raise them. The kids that scream, and run and make messes in the store and you wouldn't even know which parent to give dirty looks too because they are nowhere near their stupid bratty kid. Most of it boils down to the fact that kids are having kids and they don't care, don't know any better or were raised the same way and it sucks. I was never spanked as a kid, but I knew my place, and how to act and lived with this fear that if I ever went crazy in a store or on a bus or just acted like an ass my parents would do something to make me sorry. Not let me watch cartoons or ride my bike, or play with my friends. I don't know what would happen I just knew it would be bad.

I also had this little moral dilema, but I took the high road this morning. I didn't really want too, but it would so come back and bite me in the ass if I hadn't. See, I got 2 checks. One was just a check stub for my automatic deposit, and the second one was a real check, signed and everything instead of saying non-negotiable. I contemplated cashing it but... you can imagine how sad it was to have to tell my boss that the payroll company fucked up.

woo-woo only 2 more hours to go until I'm off for the day!!!

Leela, this super beautiful girl I see around but just recently actually spoke too last friday took this kind of neat picture of me dancing. Usually pictures of me dancing = ew. People usually look funny in motion pictures. Mouths open, arms swinging, bodies contorted but I really like this one.