ew

I did something just absolutely horrible on Wednesday night. I never thought in a million years I would ever do such a thing.

I had a bad and extra long day at work on Wednesday. I've been completely stressed out to the point where I'm not even eating because I don't feel hungry. I ripped open my hand (we're talking blood and guts) on what is my pathetic thirty minute lunch break so there went my chances for getting any food regardless. I had to tend to the mangled monkey paw that is also known as my right hand. So when I got home, I didn't even attempt to make dinner I just threw a frozen cheese pizza in the oven and waited for it to be done. It wasn't a good night to be home either because the tension in the air was so thick it hurt to breathe. I didn't realize it until I had finished eating that I had eaten the entire thing all except for one slice. I ran to the bathroom and threw up as much as I could. I didn't even think about it. I just felt instantly sick at the thought of eating so much. Strangest thing is that I know I'm a pig. I usually consume between 3500 and 5000 calories a day. People look at me and say no way, but really I just have a high metabolism. So it was odd that my brain/stomach turned on me like that. It felt good to throw up, and it came so easy. I've always been able to throw up on command though (yes, I know this is all way nasty but it's the truth) if I even so much as think of throwing up BAM! I can do it.

I didn't think anything of it until the next day. How easy would it be for this to become some sick habbit. I don't know why or what or have any explanation for why I did what I did or why it felt so good but it's sort of alarming.

and mostly just gross!